i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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