Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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