bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
