Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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