in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
