I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Mom said you looked used
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
