i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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