You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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