Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
