i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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