We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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