I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
