I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
