Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
