My sheets look like a crime scene.
Me too!
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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