Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
sick fucks of a feather flock together
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
