Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
