Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
