matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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