Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
