remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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