allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I want to walk on stilts...naked
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
