I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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