Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
