I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
