dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
