why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
