i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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