I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
