Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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