I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
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