so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
