I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It's blow job season.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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