garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
