in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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