took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
