apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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