I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
