I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
