my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
