I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
lol hangovers are for mortals.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
