I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
