i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
