I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
