So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
