oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I could make wine with my vomit
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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