the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
please come you make the beer taste better
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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