Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
