I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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