Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
