I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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