Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
