I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
